By popular demand.

Here's something I wrote.. nothing special... i have several but here it is.

Those vicious words may not seem so harsh but the piercing sound of your voice is what makes one feel this pain. It's shocking how those painful words can make one's hear feel so empty and make your stomach churn till you feel as though you can not even move. How does one deal with this time and time again when all you want is to feel the importance that that certain someone portrays to you. Is it real or is it something they feel is needed to say in order to feel that security of someone. We always try to see the brighter side of things but what if in this case, no brighter side exists and all that is left is darkness. In the dark the truth comes out. They think you don't discover that it is them but you know. you have always known. So what now? How do you begin to deal with it when you know you can not live without but living with is only making you weaker. There will always be that wonder in the back of your mind trying to figure out how one of "great importance and love" can use such vicious words.

Money Money Money

Ugh.. i am so frustrated with the word money. No matter what I do and how much I save I just never have any money. I try to do things for myself and buy what I want when I want ( to an extent) but then if I do I am unable to basically live. I need a job. One that I can maintain as a dance major, it's just so hard. Hopefully they are hiring CAs at the Ivy or maybe Nora will need someone to replace steph in the office. Idk but all I know is if I don't get a job and don't get a scholarship for ADF I won't be going. Luckily I talked to Teena and there is a really good hip hop intensive in Philly this summer. The only dilemma is It's the last week of ADF so I need to decide which one I would rather do. ADF is a great opportunity BUT ( there's always a but ) I loooooove doing hip hop, it just makes me feel so good.. really, I enjoy it so much. So I guess what I'm going to do is see if I get a scholarship or even the dorm counselor for ADF && if I don't then I'll be headed to Philly. I was also thinking about doing the Pittsburgh intensive that I did last year. I mean it's free and they even feed you! haha.. we'll see.

No modern tomorrow. YES!

Valentines Day

I've decided valentines day shouldn't be a day...

What gives them a right to dedicate a day to give people the opportunity to show their significant other that they love them sooo soo much?! You should show your significant other that you love them so so much EVERY DAY not just february 14th. This is just a day to remind people like myself ( single people ) that we have no one to receive flowers or chocolates from, no one to take us out to dinner, or even get that very special ring one desires. True love isn't celebrated on February 14th it's celebrated on those random days that your hunni decides to send you flowers because you had a bad day or to tell you how beautiful you are puking over the toilet cause you got so drunk, or when they just tell you how much they love and want to be with you... Valentines day is over rated... that is true love

&& I want it =[

Sixteen Years

Sixteen years ago... i was just a normal (( kinda weird and nerdy)) 5 year old. I was doing my own hair cause my mom would always make me cry, I liked to play with barbies, and wear cute little dresses with stockings. Then my sister was born. I never realized how much of challange it would be and my mom didn't really know what we were getting ourselves into. A lot of doctor visits, hospital stays, worrying, and just a bunch of loving. I guess you could say I had to grow up pretty fast. I had to learn to help take care of another human being. How to feed, nurture, and comfort someone other than myself, someone who couldn't do them on their own. You never realize the kind of bond two people can create just by doing some of these things together. but you know what?! I wouldn't change any of that for the world. This amazing little girl has taught me so much. For instance, the word retard. People use it uncontrollably and don't realize what they're really saying. Yeah they may not mean it of it's true meaning but it can affend and hurt so many people, like myself. Or how to just laugh at myself and at the world. And most importantly how to care for and love someone more than I ever could myself. Gosh, I think I cry more than she does when her hip pops out of place or when she has seizures constantly, you'd think after 16 years I'd be used to it by now, but I'm not and don't think I ever will be. It's true when some people say "when you cry I cry, when you're in pain I'm in pain" I truely feel the same way. The only one human being who has ever been there for me when life gets rough or when I just need a laugh. So... the point of this blog.. HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY TO MY PRECIOUS LITTLE SISTER MISS ALI! I love her more than anything in this God for saken world.